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Ch. 1 pgs. 3-12

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Read by Courtney Bullock, Instructional Technology Facilitator

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I can't wait to see how this story is going to turn out  unless you're somebody like huh very thin the first day of school isn't too bad most kids by then are bored with summer and itchy from mosquito bites and Poison Ivy and nothing to do your sneakers are all worn out I can't get new ones till school starts and your mother is sick and tired of yelling at you to pick things up and you're sick and tired of picking the same things up plus the first day of school tell me half a day for kids  my little brother Charlie once asked my mother what teachers do for the rest of the day they get things ready books and papers and lesson that's not what Leroy Herdman says Charlie told her Leroy says as soon as the kids are gone they lock all the doors in order pizza and beer well they don't I would leave right now anyway  you forgot something Charlie said and he went back to get it and he couldn't get in and they saw him coming and locked the doors mother said wouldn't you well yes anybody would because the herdmans Ralph Imaging Leroy Claude Ollie and glassware the worst kids in history of the world they weren't honest cheerful or industrious are Cooperative or claim they told lies and smoke cigars and set fire to things and stayed away from school whenever they wanted to and wouldn't learn anything when they were there they were always there though on the first day so you always knew right away that this was going to be another exciting hurdman year at Woodrow what's an elementary school at least there was only one of them in each grade and since they never got kept back you always had the same one to put up with I had Imaging and what I did was stay out of her way but it wasn't easy this time she grabbed me in the hall and shoved an oatmeal box in my face hey she said my science project I figured that imogene's idea of a science project would probably explode or catch fire or smell really bad there be alive and bite me in fact I could hear something and scratching around in the oatmeal box  Miss Kemp already wrote this year's assignment on the board I said and it isn't a science project time to tell me Imaging granted what is it the assignment she shook her oatmeal box is it nice  so I was half right Imaging science project what is alive probably wouldn't bite me unless it was a great big nice but I didn't want to find out no I said it's about people mice would be better Imaging said later that morning Miss Camp explained her assignment and I thought Imaging might be right because the assignment sounded weird for this year's project she said we're going to study weather on the Blackboard compliments for classmates all over the room hands are going up and kids are saying huh what does it mean Miss Kemp ignored all this it means exactly what it says she said each person in the class and please don't grow people did anyways because this is the assignment for the year you have all your think about it and next-gen before the last day of school you'll draw names from a hat and thing what compliments for just that one person somebody asked if you could be a famous person instead and somebody else asked if it could be a dead famous person like George Washington Kim said no this is a classroom project so it has to be people in the class  we all know about George Washington's good points but she looked around picked on Boomer we don't know all Boomers good points more important  how many compliments Junior Jacobs wanted to know up to you Miss Kim said Alice Wendell can raised her hand what beautiful hair and shiny hair count as one compliment this sounded to me as if plan the complement herself which would save someone else the trouble but Miss Kim said I am not talking about beautiful hair and nice teeth Atlas I mean turistics personal qualities something special this could be hard I thought take Albert Pelfrey when you think of Albert Pelfrey you think even Albert thinks fat it's hard to think of anything else so I would really have to study our to find some special personal quality that wasn't just sing about fat and besides Albert there were 28 other people including Imogene Herdman what's a compliment Imaging asked me it's nice you tell someone like if someone is especially held for aspect helpful or especially friendly Alice looked Imaging up and down or especially clean she said okay Imaging frown but mice would still be better play the animals but the animals they weren't need to put the animals they were in mean to wear Me by all themselves like a cat which was is it had to be kept on a chain because it fit people now and then you would see mrs. Herdman walking the cat around the block on its chain but she worked in do shifts at the Shoe Factory and didn't have much time left over to hang around the house and walk the cat  it wasn't any Mr Herdman everybody agreed that after this is boring he just climbed on a freight train and left town but some people said he did it right away and some people said he waited a year to Gladys probably bit him my friend Alice window said not if she was a baby I asked babies don't have any teeth she probably had hard hard gums Alice knew what she was talking about because Gladys bit her all the time this is Wendell can always Port High dine all over the bed so Alice had to go around 4 days with big brown splotches on her arms and legs Alice was always afraid to die anyways Gladys fight and have to be buried looking up splotched and ugly instead of beautiful in her blue and white dress with ruffles  it all it turn all that special to get bitten by Gladys he bit everybody including my little brother Charlie Charlie came home yelling and screaming the glass any other kid who bit a kid broke the skin and True Blood would go hide somewhere but not Gladys Gladys Herdman it's always your whole name when my mother is mad you know what I think about a little girl who bites people I think she on have to wear a sign around her neck that says beware of Gladys you ever seen anybody with that sign around I guess mother  thought that it would really put Gladys in her place but Gladys just said okay and went home and made a sign of work for a week nobody play much attention we didn't need to make us beware of Gladys besides everything else they did they could carry and it was surprising what all they could carry not just candy and gum and gerbils and goldfish they even stole Miss Johansson's concrete bird baths for the gold I guess and last spring they stole my friend Luella McCarthy's baby brother Howard from in front of the grocery store

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Ch. 1 pgs. 3-12

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